Listen up Angry Black Man....

In 2005 Hurricane Katrina caught everyone in the city of New Orleans off guard and ram shacked our city with way to much wind, and a lot more water. My home, all my clothes, and my beautiful 1997 Gold Expedition all drowned as a result. Fast forward a few months later, my parents up and decided to buy me a new car. So we went to the Toyota Dealership. After much yelling screaming and eventually..crying, they bought me a brand new 2005 Scion. Not the nice 2 door one. No, that would have been to nice of them. The XA. The ugly 4 door hatchback. So ugly I named it Celie. One of the most depressing days of my life.

I drove Ms Celie for 5 years. 5 long years. Until February of 2011 when I decided i wanted something new. I work hard, why not? I bought myself a brand new silver 2011 Camaro. I named her Buffy, Buffy The Body. And i love her.

I've had Buffy for almost 2 full months now. I've been pulled over by the cops at least 5 times in those 2 months. Running red lights? Nope. Speeding? Nope (i'm actually still trying to adjust to how fast it is, so i RARELY go above 50). I have all the appropriate tags and everything else a car should have to AVOID getting pulled over. But for some reason the police STILL find the need to pull me over. And every time, the cop just so happens to be white. They search my car. Frisk me. Run my license. Check my insurance. The whole nine yards. Once they see i don't have the same kind of guns like T.I. and figure out i am somewhat educated because i talk properly, they let me go. Same routine every time.

Now i could have a conniption fit every time a cop pulls me over for no reason. I could be the Angry Black Man. But we know the only place that would end me up is in jail. In those hideous jump suits. Everybody knows I'm not jail material. Those black and white stripes aren't my color. And, they are a tad bit late if you ask me. We won't even begin to talk about the foot wear.

As a black man, i know that white America is always looking for me to mess up. I know they are waiting for me to do something small and feeble that they can blow out of proportion, just to lock my black ass up. They are just WAITING for me to be a "statistic". And I'm not even FAMOUS. I'm just your average everyday 25 year old black man trying to get to and from work in my new car that i bought because i saw on Transformers. Nothing more, nothing less.

This is why Chris Brown pisses me off. Here we have one of the most talented kids of our generation, having temper tantrums and breaking windows like the ANGRY BLACK MAN (on Good Morning America i might add) America ALREADY thinks he is. All because he was caught off guard about questions regaurding The Rihanna Incident, which is something he will probably be asked about for as they both shall live. There are so many things we could ask Chris, but they want to talk about that. It did happen 2 years ago. And we are over it (if your not slap yourself, and get over it). But it did happen, and people WILL keep talking about it. Rihanna still gets asked questions about it (when they really should be asking her who her vocal coach is) and she answers them with poise. Chris needs to do the same. The media is GOING to exploit you when your famous. That's their job. Either use it to your advantage, or to your disadvantage. All the media does is REPORT it. So you have a tantrum, it will be reported, if you don't, guess what...there's nothing to report. Beyonce doesn't like questions about Jay Z. But when she gets them she does the best she can to work her way around them, and if she can't she ques her guard dog, Tina Knowles, who simply flashes the interviewer her gold House of Derion pistol that sits on her waist as a signal to shut the fuck up. Chris has resources to all the media training in the world. I'm sure that its hard when it feels like the world is against you, but guess what, they pretty much are.

I won't lie, it does suck that Charlie Sheen can brag about being on drugs and sleeping with porn stars and America applauds it. They think its hilarious. But when Lil Wayne does the same thing he's called a thug, and is ridiculed for it. If Charlie Sheen were a black man, the media would ROAST him. Unfortunately, its just the cards we are dealt. That's the life of a black man vs a white man. So we as the black man, have to do better then them. If i can't drive around my new car and not get pulled over every 3 days by some racist cop, then no Chris, you can't promote yourself and your (really good) album without some uncomfortable questions about your past. The only difference between us is that your getting millions of dollars to do it.

How black is black enough?

I'm from New Orleans, Louisiana. Born and raised. Home, where the creole's originated. The black people down here are literally all different shades. To be completely honest, it's to the point where its hard for us to distinguish pretty much any other race from black. I remember having a debate with one of my friends years ago about whether Eva Longoria was black or not when Desperate Housewives first came on air. She looked just like SO many of our friends. I knew she wasn't black, her last name was a dead give away for me, but Lacy swore she was black. After some research of course we discovered she isn't black. Same with Christina Milian, especially when that movie with the boy who's married to Mariah Carey came out. I even remember how devastated i was when i found out that Carmen Electra and Fergie WEREN'T at least half black! Seriously, it may sound crazy, but that's just how light skinned our blacks get down here in Louisiana. I always joke that i could never go anywhere else and have a race discussion because being from here has seriously altered my idea of what light skinned and dark skinned is.

For some reason or the other Beyonce and her skin color has been a hot topic this week. At one point people were actually saying she "bleached" her skin. I swore i wouldn't read comments under Necole Bitchie and The Young, Black, and Fabulous anymore, and i definitely should have gone wit my better judgment. Look, we have this issue every year with her. Beyonce lives in New York City. And in case you didn't know, when its cold outside, and the sun isn't out as much, people of color miraculously get lighter. Its not a very hard equation. Does Beyonce tan? OF COURSE. So does every person of color when they want to be a bit darker. Whats the big deal? Of course her new blond hair didn't help any. So because she's so light, she's of course...Michael Jackson.

"She wants to be Gwenth Paltrow's sister."

"She wants to be white."

"She just set black people back 100 years"

Now Beyonce is catching slack for having a black face in her most recent photo shoot with a french magazine L' Official. In the shoot she was dressed in African themed clothing, and wore a black face in tribute to a famous African Activist Fela Kuti. Well apparently Beyonce wasn't black enough to do this. The comments sections ERUPTED. And i again, went against my better judgment and read the ignorance. It's really to the point where you just have to laugh to keep from crying for our people. Beyonce is BLACK. She has never claimed to be anything else. Her grandmother, who's from New Orleans, was creole. Need a history lesson?

Creoles are the descendants of the french and Spanish colonial settlers before the Civil War. Of course, they mixed and mingled with the blacks, and the term Creoles of Color came about around the 19th century. So it comes down to a mix of french, spanish, black and some native American. Now a days the word is thrown around so loosely its appalling. Is creole black? YES. Its a sub-culture. Of course the one drop rule is very real in Louisiana, so if you look ANYTHING but white, white people consider you black. They get it. Why don't we? Halle Berry said it best. She defines her race by how America is going to view her. Yes she's half white, but we all know she can be called a "nigger" just like the rest of us. She isn't denying her other half, its just about being realistic. Now of course I'm sure in a conversation she would go into detail, but to the world, shes black, so she says shes black. Its not like Lala Vesquez who actually ISN'T black at all,but can play a black role in a film because she looks black. Halle looks black because she's half black.

I don't understand why WE can't seem to move past this color barrier. Every time a black person belittles another about their skin color we take another step backwards. Its like a domino effect. And i can't for the life of me understand why we can't move past this. We come in all shades and colors. No color makes you more beautiful or attractive then the next. Like i said, being from New Orleans can really alter how you view color and race. I won't lie and say that I've never been told "I usually don't date people as dark as you." But i feel like, hey, that's your loss. Lil Wayne who's from New Orleans, thinks "I betcha she looks better red". I'd be surprised with all the drugs in his system that he can even still distinguish the color of grass, let alone the skin color of the multiple random women he meets in the club at night and ends up sleeping with. But that's his preference, and his loss. I've meet people in this city with serious color complex issues, and i have to be so thankful that my mother raised my sister and I to believe we are beautiful no matter how dark we may get over the summer. I've meet people who only date light skin people, I've meet people who only date dark skin people. There are people who think if you have light skin and a different grain of hair your more BEAUTIFUL then others, even if you look like a pit bull. And then I've meet people who HATE every light skin person with a different grain of hair for the simple fact they themselves are not light skinned with some "good hair", because that's what they believe is beautiful, and they aren't satisfied in their own skin. Its crazy how we give something as SKIN COLOR and HAIR so much POWER! Especially when we have so many other issues we can be dealing with in our community. Why don't we put that same energy into trying to educate our black people. The number of black men in jail is rising more and more every year. Lets talk about that. But no, that's not what we want to talk about. We want to talk about how Beyonce is to light so she must want to be white.

I've said this before and I'll say it again. Sometimes i think being black is just one big social experiment. Made for the white people to sit back and laugh at us. Laugh as we tear each other down about who's hair is better or who's skin is lighter. They laugh at how when our people make money we spend it on cars and clothes and $50,000 chains instead of investing. We're never satisfied with what is done for us, we always want more. We are crabs in a bucket. And its disgusting. I would love to say "I can't wait to see the day when we as a race will do better", but being as real as Beyonce's pale skin, i know we won't. This is it for us. I don't think I've ever realized how TRULY bliss ignorance is, until now. I know we will never move past these issues. We will always see the short comings of the Oprah's and the Tyler Perry's of the world. Not the leaps and bounds they've made to be where they are today, or the barriers they have broken FOR us. Lil Wayne won't stop swearing that he bet his bitch looks better red, nor will he stop drinking whatever the fuck that is in his cup. The glass will always be half empty, her hair will always be "good" and her skin will always be to light to be right. And that's just that. Let the coonery continue.

**This is the que for the church choir to start singing**

Is Twitter Real?

Twitter has to be one of the funniest social networks ever created. At any given moment you can go ahead and say what ever comes to your random mind to basically the world (depending on how many followers you are) with 1 simple tweet. I love twitter. Especially when TV shows are on. Everyone's a comedian. Everyone has an opinion. And its always great to see everyone's opinion. The ones who matter, and then some that don't (if i'm following you, you matter to me, if I'm not, then...you get the point.)

Twitter also gives you the opportunity to bring yourself closer to people who you may have only been acquaintances with. I think it does that because when you choose to follow someone on twitter your basically saying "I'm interested in you." You get to see how this person really is (or how they want you to believe they are) and you have the option to comment on everything they say. Twitter has brought me closer with alot of people that i've known for years but never had much more then a "hi" and "bye" relationship with. At the same time, it's made me hate some people who have known for years, and i don't speak to them anymore. Thats when we utilize the unfollow button. That pretty much says "I'm no longer interested in you. Get out of my life and my time line with your foolishness. Fuck. Your. Thoughts." Right? Well that's what the person being unfollowed is going to believe at. So we'll just keep it at that.

Why I Write

Yesterday was my 1st day in English class of this semester. My professor, a quirky little white girl that looks like she came straight of out Urban Outfitters, asked me why do i write. It was actually an essay she had us read. And it made me think. Why do i write? Then i felt compelled to write, why i write.

As far back as i can remember i have always wrote stuff for fun. I used to write these short stories and send them to school with my sister. She would read them to the class and always come back and tell me how much everyone loved them. And then she'd have me write another 1. Id write like 1 a week, and it kinda turned into a ritual. She loved it. It felt appreciated. So i wrote more. For her and her class. I also had a friend who lived out of state, and i would send him this 100 page stories that i would write. Total fiction. That was back in the day when i was obsessed with comic books. But i just had all these crazy stories wrapped up in my head and i can't explain the joy i got from just laying it all down on paper. Back then i was more strict than i am now. I used to hand write everything in some .99 notebooks, and then i would get on my mother's computer and write it again. And then i would print it all out. My mother used to fuss at me because i used to much printing paper.

I think that is why i know i have to be a writer. Its the only thing in this world that i can do that i really LOVE doing. Of course now i want to write about different things. I've always be fascinated with art. So i could write for days about the the art of fashion. The way someone dresses. Their style. Why i like it, or why i hate it. Or how something (or someone) is beautiful to me. Why they are beautiful. What makes them so beautiful and striking. Features in someones face that make them look different. Someones hair. The color. How that color or style compliments their face or their skin tone. I could go on for days.

Then there is the thing called an "opinion". I have an opinion about everything. And i want to be heard. And i want you to agree. Or disagree. But i want you to be invested in what i have to say. I want an explanation. To everything. I feel like that's why I'm alive. To know the answer. Everything has a formula. And i want to know it. I NEED to know it. So i can dissect it. And analyze it to the best of my ability. And then write it out.

At one point in time i thought i wanted to be a journalist. And even though i have a very strong passion for journalism i still think I'm a bit to judgmental. Journalist have to be biased towards a lot of things. And i couldn't do that. So i write. I write it all down, to get it all out, and post it here for you guys to see. To read what i have to say. To see my point of view. And to agree. Or disagree.

Top 5 Best Dress Men in Hollywood

5. Usher
Usher was the 1st guy who i ever recognized as somewhat of a fashion icon (at like 13). His whole blazer with the baseball hate era set trends. I remember laughing seeing all the guys come into basket ball games with their dad's over sized blazer on trying to imitate Usher's music videos. I think he has a real simply style. But classic. It will never get old.



4. Pharrell Williams
Give me labels. And more labels. And MORE labels. And you have Pharrell. His style is dope. And then he cleans up and switches it up like its nothing. He originated the man bag. And for that he gets all the praise. Even though i would never be bold enough to do it.



3. John Legend
This man is the Classic GQ model. Head to toe. Everywhere he goes. He's probably who i most admire as far as his style because of my personal style. He's always tailored. Always. Everything he puts on looks like it was made just for him.



2. Kanye West
You give a gaudy queen some millions of dollars and this will be the results. The Glamazon know as Kanye West. He will see something in a women's store, and have it made for himself. And i don't know if its because of his name, or because he might Taylor Swift you, but it gets done. Just make his fur coat. And it better be the best coat of all time.



1. Swizz Beats
I don't exactly know when Swizz Beats turned into this person, but he went from 0-10 over night. This man was one of the designers for the men's christian loubiton shoe line. And those shoes are probably the best shoes I've ever seen. In my LIFE. His style is timeless, yet has a hip/hop edge to it.

Top 5 Best Dressed Women of Hollywood

5. Victoria Beckham.
I can always admire a mother who still gives it her all. Posh Spice never misses a beat. This woman is the epitome of a glamorous Hollywood woman. And she can pull off any look she feels, and do it without flaw. Her style is very classic and she always sticks to what she knows.



4. Keri Washington
Keri is seriously slept on. I've been saying this since I 1st saw her grace the red carpet. This girl can dress. She always keeps it simple, but always makes a statement. And nothing is simple about that.


3. Rihanna
Even though our favorite Bajan Princess's style has been on bed rest, it doesn't mean she can't be recognized. Rihanna may not always deliver a look I necessarily care for, but she is going to deliver A "LOOK". A "LOOK" that will set trends. No matter how ridiculous it may be. And for every time she looks like a mad woman, she will turn around the next day and look completely sickening. She's a true chameleon.


2. Kim Kardashian
Now unlike the other women mentioned above, Kim doesn't have a touring schedule or movie to shoot. Kim's job is to look flawless, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. And she pulls it off, and does it effortlessly. And even when Kim is bumming (which i've only seen 1 time) she will throw on a Birkin bag just to let you know "Hey, I'm richer then you."


1. Oprah Winfrey
To execute a look day in and day out ALONE, deserves the number 1 spot. But to do it at any size, now THAT's phenomenal. Oprah pulls it off, every. single.day. From her smallest size, to her largest, Oprah will look AMAZING.I mean seriously, Designers make looks to cater to this woman, just because of her name. I'm bet her bed sheets are custom made. Now that's MONEY. (2.7 billions dollars to be exact.)

New Years Resolution.

Yesterday as I sat in my cubicle at work on Christmas Eve, I listened (only listen, never speak) to my co-worker's all talk about how Tyler Perry just couldn't be gay because he was a "Man of God". Then they followed that with if he was gay he was surely going to hell. Now mind you these 3 women, all have multiple children, have never been married and are currently living with some man who may or may not be their baby daddy. Before I could begin to rip my ears from my head in disgust, they changed the subject. Thank God. To you know what? How ugly Beyonce is. I clearly, can't win for loosing.

So right before i was about to add them to my "The Crazies" List i realized something. It hit me right there, harder then Ike hit Tina.

"Jonathan, you've taken 2 psychology classes. TWO! Your not a fucking psychologist. Just because you can't wrap your mind around how ridiculous some people's opinions may appear to be, doesn't mean their crazy."

Well ain't that some shit. I've always tried to over analyze everything and everyone. Why people think the way they do. Why people do the things they do. Why people make such careless decisions when the consequences are clear as Ricky Martin's sexual preference. Well, my New Year's Resolution is to STOP. Stop over thinking everything and trying to understand everyone. Because your not. Your not going to understand everything!

Your not going to understand why people lie about things they have no reason to lie about.

Your not going to understand why people are so sneaky and vile.

Your not going to understand the concept of jealousy.

Your not going to understand how someone could stay awake during a Keri Hilson performance.

Your not going to understand why some people who are average everyday common folk think....they're a celebrity.

Your not going to understand how bad someone's eyes have to be to make a comment like "Precious is beautiful." And then keep a straight face.

Your not going to understand why children cry for no reason in public places, and the parents act like they don't hear it, but look at you crazy when you give them a look like "BITCH! YOUR CHILD'S CRYING IS RUINING MY LIFE!"

Your not going to understand why the guy on the motorcycle yesterday drove behind you flashing his high beams off and on for 10 minutes before you slammed on the breaks and he flew off the road into City Park somewhere.

Your not going to understand why girls are STILL, two years after Single Ladies came out, wearing leotards to the club like its an outfit. (BTW, Beyonce called. She's mortified.)

Your not going to understand why Rihanna won't look in the mirror and realize that red clown hair is absolutely wretched. And it's even more wretched, on these girls who they try to mimic it.

Your not going to understand why Amerii is still trying.

Your not going to understand why people would think it's OK for Mike Vick to have a dog. Um, HELLO!

Your not going to understand how OJ Simpson killed Nicole, and got away with it, then wrote a book about how he got away with it, and STILL has gotten away with it.

I digress.

This list could go on for days. So I'm done. I'm done trying to make sense of everything. All I'm going to do is drive myself mad. And I've already got a few marbles missing, Lord knows i need the few i have left. I'm just going to take Tupac's advice.





A friend (who actually got her psychology degree) told me the other day

"Crazy people think everyone else is crazy."

And it makes a whole lot of sense. Got that Kanye?