The Pursuit of Happiness

2 weeks ago I put in my 2 weeks notice at my job. My job where last year, i ended the year with 65k. This year, I'm sure i ended with no less then 55k. I guess we can all agree that's pretty good for a 24 year old guy with no children.

Well i quit. Without a new job lined up. All b/c one day i woke up and realized i didn't want to do this all my life. I thought long and hard for months about making this move. I walked around the with letter of resignation with me for about 2 weeks. The day i turned it in, i was sick. Sick to my fucking stomach.

I know what your thinking, I'm crazy. The economy is shit. Most people are blessed to have any job, let alone a job where your that kind of money. But the bottom line is, i wasn't happy. I was actually miserable. I dreaded waking up every day. One of my friends even suggested go to work with a different attitude. I tried. I woke up and told myself "TODAY IS GOING TO BE A GOOD DAY! Your going to like your job again!" And when i got into my car to go to work that day i believed it! It didn't work.

So i quit. And decided that i wanted to pursue my dreams. 1st i want to go back to school and get my degree. Which by the way, i wasn't able to do and work there. And then i would like to pursue my writing. For magazines, for papers,and possibly maybe even a book.

So what made me muster up the balls to do it? Well, like i said, i haven't been happy for a long time now. My relationship was on the rocks. I simply wasn't happy with where i was in my life. I wasn't "lost", b/c i knew where i wanted to be. I just hadn't figured out the formula on how to achieve my life goals.

Well one day Mother, Adrian (my father.why i call him by his 1st name is a another blog)my sister and I were on our way back to New Orleans from Biloxi, Mississippi. It was Mother's 60th B-Day.60! It's always ritual that i ask random questions when taking long trips. So my last question asked her was "Are you happy the way you life turned out?" She sat for about a minute and looked at me and said

"Ya know, I've lived a blessed life. I've done everything i ever wanted to do. I've traveled. I've taught music. I was a Principal for 8 years. I have 2 beautiful healthy children. I'm married. I'm happy. Even if everything didn't go in the order that i planned, i still achieved all my life goals. I'm truly blessed."

It was kinda like Oprah would call it, her "Ah ha" moment. I was so happy for her.

But then it made me think that at 24 years old I've achieved nothing that i wanted to do. I know i have my whole life to achieve my goals. But i wasn't moving forward towards accomplishing anything. Not one thing. I was working at this job that I was good at, but not happy at. I made lots of money, but i was miserable.

So now i begin my Pursuit of Happiness. I want to move. Get back in school. And start all over. At 24. I know it's going to take A LOT of adjusting. I'm accustomed to shopping whenever i want. Eating out. Designer shoes and glasses. My big beautiful apartment. My weekends off. Now I'm going to have to cut that in half. Probably less.

Not one person thought i was making the right decision. No one supported my move. Everyone asked me "Don't quit without finding another job." or "Why do you have to move, whats in Atlanta for you?" or "Your being selfish."

Well, today was my last day at AT&T. It was probably one of the happiest days i can remember having in a long time. And today when i called my mother she said "Jay, i'm so proud of you. Your going to be so happy in the long run." She'll always support me. Its the best feeling in the world to have support.

So next week off to Atlanta i go. To live on my sister's sofa and apply for jobs, schools and various intern ships at different magazines. I'm scared shit-less. But thrilled and excited at the same time. A feeling i haven't had in years. Maybe i'll be back. Who knows. But at least i can say i tried. Wish me luck!

A Simple Formula

This should have been my 1st blog entry. I got side tracked. O well.

I named my blog "A simple forumla" because i believe that everything in life has a formula. There is a way to achieve all of your goals. I don't believe life is complicated. I don't believe that life is "hell on earth". I believe that life is what you make it. I believe WE complicate out lives with our choices we make. Alot of times in life we fall into situations that will determine our next move which could possibly push us further and further away from our goal. That is what makes life hard. Have it be a bad relationship or a bad decision. Every single decision you make is taking you down a path towards something. The problem starts where alot of us are not strong enough to make the right decisions. Alot of us are not strong enough to say "This is what i want to do, therefor i'm going to do it." Why? Maybe because it may hurt someone's feelings. Maybe because you feel you'll be miserable without this particular person in your life. Maybe because your parents want you to do it this way. Maybe you simply don't know how. There could be many reasons why you make whatever decision you choose to make. But you always have a choice to make the right decision or the one that will hinder your success in life.

What i've learned in these 24 years of my life is that life is a journey. The sooner you realize it the better. I woke up one morning and realized that my life was not going the way i wanted it to go. So after some careful planning and advising from older and wiser people (including Oprah) i devised a plan to accomplish what I want to accomplish. Will it be easy? Fuck no. It's going to be hard as hell. But in the end i know i'll be in a happier place there, than where i am now. And by hard i mean leaving certain people behind. Moving to a different city. Working from nothing to something. Starting from the bottom and working my way to the top. All these things are the things that may dis-courage someone from doing what they want to do.

There is one thing in this world that every single person wants. Happiness. You can't be happy doing something that doesn't make you happy everyday. You can't be happy with someone who doesn't make you happy. If your not waking up every morning happy then something is wrong. Something in your life needs to change. And once you've figured out what that change needs to be in order to get you to that place to where your going to be HAPPY then damn-it you've figured out that simple formula. Now it's your duty to follow it. It's not always going to be easy. For life is NOT easy. But it's a journey that you should have fun taking all the way to the end. Good luck!

All eyes ON the Tiger.

Adultery. It's probably the oldest form of "sin" i can think of. We've all been a victim of it (and if you haven't you will be). We've probably all participated in it. Does that make it right? Of course not. I personally think it's the WORST thing one could ever do in a relationship. And seeing how our generation is being raised with less and less moral values these days, i think everyone should get used to it and learn how to deal with it in advance. In my mind about 99.9 % of men cheat. And about 90 % of women cheat. It's all about how good you are at it. If you think your man or your woman hasn't cheated on you before, then keep thinking that. They're doing a really good job at hiding their dirt.

I feel for Elin Woods. I really do. I couldn't imagine being married to a billionaire and having their kids to find out they've been having affairs with 9 + women over the last 2-3 years. And then for the WORLD to know probably makes it even worst. You know when your cheated on its a secret you want to take to your grave. Who wants all the side eyes and the whispers behind their back for the choice of staying with your significant other after you've broadcast-ed to the world of their cheating ways. "She's stupid behind him." or "She's in denial".

But for something so common as adultery...why is Tiger being penalized so harshly? That is what i cannot understand. Didn't Shaq's wife just file for divorce AGAIN because of his adultery? That barely made the news. Tiger is plastered all over Entertainment tonight and all his mistresses are being interviewed and what not. It's amazing.

Now i understand that when your a celebrity the magnifying glass is on you. Your made an example of EVERYTHING. But when Halle's husband cheated on her it didn't make headlines. Shaq hasn't been a trending topic on twitter for the last 2 weeks. So what makes Tiger's situation so different from theirs?

I hate to throw the race card around. I really do. I think it's what uneducated lazy people do to find an excuse for their short-comings. But something tells me if Tiger's wife were black, this situation wouldn't be a situation at all.

MUSIC: LAdy Gaga- The Fame Monster

So you guys already know I'm a hard-core Lady Gaga fan. I was obsessed with her 1st single "Bad Romance" from the re-release of "The Fame" titled "The Fame Monster". She stated in various interviews that she does in fact consider this her sophomore album. The songs are not about sex, money, and fame like her original album. She wrote about love.

I loved it of course. Songs like "Speechless" and "So happy i could die" are different from "The Fame". Kinda showing shes not all pop and dance. Then we have songs like "Alexandro" and my favorite "Bad Romance" and "Telephone" which definitely sound like her 1st album. "Monster" is a cool song also about heartbreak.And "Speechless" was a song she wrote for her father to convince him to get heart surgery that he initially didn't want to have.

I know she does consider it her sophomore album, but i kind of think it should be considered a re-release (which it is). For the most part, even though she is talking about different stuff, it kind of still has the same sound as the original. But i still love it to death.

My Favorites:
Bad Romance
Telephone
Alexandro

MUSIC: RIHANNA RATED R

Ok, so I'll be completely honest here. I'm not your biggest Rihanna fan. I liked a FEW of her singles on Good Girl Gone Bad. "Take a Bow" "Rehab" "Disturbia" "Live your life" and that song with Ne-yo she had. All were nice singles. Shes a singles artist. So i thought. But for the most part, i just think she's eye candy. Her fashion sense is sick and that face is beat to the Gods.

So of course i was kinda iffy about this album. When "Russian Roulette" came out i was like OK, this is cool. But not enough to make me want to spend my coins on the girl. Then i heard "Hard" and "Wait your turn" and was like OK i'm not feeling this at all.

So when the album leaked of course i downloaded it. Turns out, the album is fucking amazing. I mean i NEVER thought i would like an entire Rihanna album. But she's grown so much. The album is so mature. Songs like "Cold Case Love", "Stupid in love", and "Photographs" let you know exactly how shes feeling about that relationship situation she was in. And then her songs like "G4L", "Rude Boy", and "Rockstar 101" let you know that she's doing EXACTLY what the fuck she wants to do. This is Rihanna. This album is who she is! Not everyone is going to like it. She says whatever she wants on her interviews now. She curses like a sailor. I love it. I love when artist come into themselves and don't play the safe role. It lets you know their is some "depth" to them.

My Favorites:
Cold Case Love
Photographs
FireBomb

"Who the fuck raised you?"

All of my life one of the values my mother instilled in me was to "Treat others the way you want to be treated."It sounds so easy. Your nice to people, people are nice to you. You tell the truth and be honest, they do the same to you. Of course i woke up and eventually realized that this wasn't true all the time.

The problem is, i still abide by this rule in my everyday life. It typically doesn't work in my favor seeing how i work in customer service at a cell phone company. See, in customer service it's different. It's more like "Treat the customer service representative how you want, and they will smile and take it." I wish i could. But that's not what i was taught. So i blame her. I truly feel like you treat people the way you want to be treated. Therefor if someone is a complete asshole to you, it's only fair and just to be a complete asshole in return. If someone is friendly and polite, then by all means, be just as friendly and polite.

Working at AT&T i think i probably deal with maybe 100 different customers a week. I've been there for 2 1/2 years now. And i am still amazed and how people can treat other people and think that it's "OK". How people can talk to other people with such disdain and really believe in their heart that your supposed to smile and be like "that's fine". I come across so many customers that i just want to ask "Who the fuck raised you?"

Now granted, most of the people that walk into an AT&T store, have a problem with their cellphone or their cellphone bill. I can understand your frustration. Cell phones these days are people's life line. What are we to do without them? But anybody with any kind of common sense or manners should know that if your coming into this store b/c you need MY help, or AT&T's help, you should at least be a little friendly or courteous right? Wrong. I guess b/c they feel like they are paying US they can treat anybody any kind of way. Just ignorant. I get paid if you have service or not ma'am.

I've meet some people so nice it made me want to be a better person. Made me think "Wow, their are some really nice and genuine people in this world." (Believe me, when you've gone through someone's cellphone, you've seen their soul) Then I've met some people so rude and nasty that it made me want to literally jump over the counter and inflict severe physical pain on them. My actions are reaction to your actions.

My co-workers call me the "Advocate" for teaching people how to treat people. They say it's what i was placed on this earth for. I have so many customers who say that I'm so "pleasant" to do business with. I've been offered jobs, money, and other things that i won't say, all for being friendly and smiling. And then their are some customers who will say "I have NEVER came across someone with such a NASTY demeanor". Yes you have lady. You know who? You mother. Because she's who the fuck raised you. And I'm treating you like you treated me. And that's just what i say (of course without the fuck). Surprised i still have a job? I am to. Don't blame me. Blame Wilhemina. She's who the fuck raised me.

MUSIC: Lady Gaga- Bad Romance

Ok, so aside from that fact that I'm a huge Lady Gaga fan, and i love this song, this video is EPIC-AMAZING- PHENOMENAL!! It's PURE artistry! One of the reasons i love Lady Gaga so much is because i really believe she puts her whole heart into making these videos. She's so original, and it's so rare that you find that these days. I think its amazing that her music is "Pop", but she still delivers it such a way that it makes you feel like you've heard nothing like it before. And i also commend her for being so adventurous and different. Lots of people aren't going to like or understand her music. And i'm sure she knows that, yet she does whatever the fuck she wants to do, and does it VERY WELL!

And then we cannot forget the fashion! She almost gave me a heart attack! BITCH if those Alexander McQueen's in EVERY SCENE don't shit on anything you've seen before i don't know what does!

Chris Vs. Rihanna

I hate that this has to be my very 1st post on my blog, but it's something that has been bothering me for a very long time now. Partially b/c it's an on-going argument between me and all of my close friends on twitter.

And the argument is: Was Chris justified in beating Rihanna IF she hit him 1st? I personally, am amazed at that fact that NONE of my friends believe that CB isn't dead wrong. But of course, their argument is "A woman cannot put her hands on a man and expect not to get hit back" or "You never know how people react when being hit, there for you don't hit a man." and another was "She has a history of violence, therefor she had it coming". Whats even more shocking is that these come from women. Granted i agree with all of these statements, i simply cannot agree that if a woman hits a man she deserves what happened to Rihanna. I will NEVER agree! Nothing that went on in that car should have resulted in brutal beating that she had to endure. NOTHING. But they seem to believe "She provoked him" or "She hit him 1st" which waters down the fact that he beat the living shit out of her. And it wasn't only them. Other women who i have spoken to to seem to be in agreement with them.

Now let me be clear, i truthfully believe that if Rihanna did hit CB she was wrong. But that STILL does not result in beating her like he did. I could even understand if he just hit her once. That's still wrong, but it's understandable. But that is NOT what he did!"She hit him, so he hit her back." is NOT the case here! He did not just hit her once, like you women so called claimed he should have done if she hit him 1st. HE hit her MULTIPLE TIMES, put her in a headlock to the point she had trouble breathing AND BIT her!! The girl was screaming so loud that the neighbors heard her and called the police.

So of course after having this argument with a few black women, i had to do some research. In my mind, i just couldn't understand their logic or justification. I understood the point that they were trying to make, but it just amazed me that they believed it.

These are the one of the statistics i found:

African-American women experience significantly more domestic violence than White women in the age group of 20-24. Generally, Black women experience similar levels of intimate partner victimization in all other age categories as compared to White women, but experience slightly more domestic violence. (Estimates are provided from the National Crime Victimization Survey, which defines an intimate partner as a current or former spouse, girlfriend, or boyfriend. Violent acts include murder, rape, sexual assault, robbery, aggravated assault, and simple assault.) This came from the American Bar Association: Commission of Domestic Violence.

This saddens me. It saddens me on so many levels b/c these statics explain exactly why all my black female friends feel like CB was justified in what he did to Rihanna IF she hit him 1st. It saddens me that our black women believe that our black MEN have such bad tempers and have so little self-control when in a confrontation with a woman that it must result in him hitting her multiple times. Hell, hitting her ONCE! All b/c of their sharp tongues or even b/c of them striking us. They are saying to me that if you hit a me, i EXPECT to get hit back!And that I am justified in hitting you. A woman hitting a man WRONG. But a man hitting a woman is MORE WRONG! For some reason our black women must believe that their strength is equal to ours. Well its not. And THAT'S why it's MORE wrong. Men have more testosterone. Men have more muscle mass. Men are BUILT for fighting. Man was CREATED to protect women for a reason. You are NOT equal! But i guess a BLACK woman, would not understand that. I guess b/c a woman knows how vicious and savage and nasty they can be to a man, a man has no choice but to hit them. There is no other way to "put them in their place" other then beating them down in order to "Teach" them a lesson.

Now with all that being said, do i think CB is a monster for what he did? No i don't. I think he is young, and he made a very bad mistake that he regrets. I think he simply clicked our and went bat shit crazy. As someone who has clicked out and gone bat shit crazy a FEW times, i can definitely understand what happened. I think he's getting the appropriate help that one would need in his situation. The sentence that he got was suitable (IMO) and since he doesn't have a "history of violence" he got off rather lenient. I hope his career the best and i hope he moves past this situation. But that's not to say what he did wasn't horrible, and i won't water it down b/c he appears sorry and remorseful of the situation.

I pray that our women do better. I pray that they realize their worth to a man. I pray that our women realize their worth to each other. But I've also realized that as a man, i will never understand the dynamics of how women treat each other.