Am I a bad friend?

I've always said that when people tend to loose alot of friends, it HAS to be them. Now I'm wondering if that's really the case.

I went to an all boys school where brother hood was taught to be one of the strongest bonds. I never took that serious, because honestly, i've always thought niggas were shady creatures. Maybe thats my 1st problem. But i had friends. We had our group. And for the most part, even in our adult hood, we are all still friends (except for 1 who always proved to be a shady character from the beginning). Of course we don't hang out every weekend and party all night anymore, but at any given time we can pick up the phone and call each other. Therefor I've always considered myself a good friend to them. Especially seeing how I'm always the one that everyone picks up the phone and calls 1st for advice. And i listen. Even when its the same story. For the 12x. And still give the best advice i know how to give.

It wasn't until college happened that i began to question how loyal of a friend i was. I've lost many friends throughout that period. Now granted some of them were due to life style differences and moving, and things of that nature, but some of the friends were friends that i really considered to be my "BEST" friends as some point in my life. Maybe i use that word to loosely. But i did see us being friends forever.

Now 1 friend, the one who i was really close with, simply stopped talking to me once in a serious relationship. I'm sure there is some background to the reason that i still don't know about. The confusing part is that as long as we had been friends, we had a very open line of communication. If we had a problem with each other, or something the other did, we talked about it. There was never an issue that we couldn't talk about. So when this last issue, whatever it may have been arose, and we didn't talk about, they just cut me off, no reason given. It made me question myself. I reached out to them numerous times. I put my pride aside and called repeatedly. No response. No returned phone call, no returned text, nothing. What did i do? Or what did he think i did? Did i wrong this person in a way?

The 2nd friend, for lack of better words, was just a complete psycho-path. And we had been friends the longest. Life slowly turned him into a person nobody in their right mind would ever want to be around. He was a miserable soul, and I've always known it, but i dealt with it anyway because he was my friend. People would always ask "HOW are you friends with someone like that. He needs help!" But he was my friend. You accept them for the good and the bad. Right?

We eventually parted ways. I got sick of his misery, and he got sick of me challenging his ridiculous opinions. The strangest part is, when i see him out, nothing in me even remotely wants to be their friend again. I don't hate them, i just have absolutely no desire to be their friend again. When people ask about them, and i say we don't speak anymore, they don't even ask why, they just laugh because they already know he's a nut. I guess its strange because i always told myself you accept friends for who they are. I guess i couldn't accept him. It goes back to my blog about me being judgmental. So again, does that make me a bad friend?

I was told a long time ago by someone who i deem as very wise that the older you get the less friends you'll have. And it seems like that is coming true. I just never saw that for myself and my friends. I know this may be a little silly to some people but to me friendship is about as serious as a boyfriend/ girlfriend. It's a relationship. Just because you may not be physically intimate doesn't make it any less intimate. And just like you would want to be the best girlfriend, or boyfriend you could be, i want to be the most loyal friend i can be.