The Broken Hearts Club.

I remember when I was young, I used to listen to these Whitney Houston songs about love and think "Wow, i can't wait to experience this feeling." She always sang with such passion. Her voice was so powerful. Back then i thought it was love that made her sing like that. I didn't know it was the fact that she had 3 lungs. Be careful what you wish for.

 

Than I remember when i fell in love for the 1st time. I was so blissfully happy I wanted to tell the world. I couldn't at the time for reasons i don't care to explain, but It was magical. It was everything Whitney Houston sang about. Everything felt different. Simple things. Kisses. Holding hands. Hugs. Just a simple touch from that person would brighten my day. It changed me.

Than i remember when i had my heart broken. How could something so beautiful, cause me the greatest pain Ive ever known.. I remember going days without speaking to people. Countless tears shed. Not eating. I didn't think id survive it. I didn't want to survive. There were days when i would pray i wouldn't wake up the next day.

I grew to resent love. I thought "All you need is love" to make a relationship last. How wrong was I? Very fucking wrong. Love made me weak. Made me delusional. Made me at some points, bat shit crazy. I'd never in my life put so much effort into something to have it crumble before my eyes. To watch it slip through my fingers, like water. I couldn't stop it, no matter how hard i fought for it.

It broke me.

But i survived. And grew.

I've watched my friends go in and out of relationships. I watched my parent's friends go through divorce. I seen heartbreak everywhere. I've probably seen more heartbreak then i have successful relationships. But that doesn't mean they don't exist. Having you heart broken is one of the trails we will go through in life. Like death. It's bound to happen at some point in your life. How you receive it is what matters. One of the biggest things I've learned from being hopelessly in love, and then having it ripped away is how to be fearless. When i was in my relationship, trying to make it work, i was scared of being without them. I thought id die without them. But i didn't. My worst fear used to be dying alone. It's not anymore. Even though it could possibly happen, I'm not terrified of it. I've accepted that it is a possibility.

I've watched heartbreak turn people cold. They don't want to love again. They are afraid of feeling that hopelessly devoted to someone. Afraid of giving them that kind of power over you, because they may abuse it. I call them the Broken Hearts Club. I won't lie, I filled out an application. I was almost a member. But even with having my heart shattered to thousands of little pieces, I'm not scared to love again. Love is to wonderful of a thing to block out of your life. And knowing that I can and will survive it IF someone breaks my heart again, makes me even more eager to experience it. Fearlessly. I welcome it.